Our Wedding

How we planned our wedding, and how not to plan yours.

Last year, we got married. Twice in fact! Despite being in the wedding industry for 7 years though, I did not find it easy at all. It was very testing, and at times we genuinely almost called the whole thing off. Which sounds dramatic I know, but if you're planning your own wedding you might be able to relate. I'm going to talk you through what we did, what we loved, what we didn't, where we went wrong and maybe help some couples planning themselves along the way.

First and foremost, all images used in this piece are by our incredible photographers, Belle Art Photography and In Between Days Photography. I could not have more praise for them, they are true artists and the photos are beyond what we ever expected - wherever we went wrong, it was the best decision having these 3 women photograph our day.

The First Wedding

So, we had two weddings. Why? Simply put, I didn't want to have a registrar ceremony. But in England, you can't have a legal ceremony that isn't conducted by a registrar. Only registrar weddings are legal, so we'd have to have one. It was that much of a sticking point for me that we decided to get married twice. It's not that all registrars are awful, they're really not, and I have met some wonderful registrars. However I've equally met awful registrars who work for the council, and treat their job like they're a parking attendant on a power trip; you can't stand there, I'm standing here, no photos during this part.

They inevitably ruin the ceremony photos by simply being in the way, like they get some personal delight in making the photographers job as difficult as possible. Some couples want the ceremony over and done with as quickly as possible, and I totally understand that, but for me, it's the focal point of the day. It's why everyone is there, so I wanted to have a ceremony that 1. could be photographed without restriction, and 2. in a way that felt personal for us and engaging for our guests. So, we decided we'd do the legal registry office wedding just ourselves, and we chose our friend Rodger to perform our ceremony at our 'actual' wedding in October. If you are having a registrar ceremony though, please don't worry. More often that not they are lovely and even if they're not, it's my job to still make your photos perfect - I'm just a control freak and leaving the person conducting our ceremony to chance on the day would make me feel nauseous, and I didn't really want anyone we didn't know at our ceremony.

I would recommend to everyone ever to have two weddings. The July wedding was literally, undeniably, joyously perfect. It couldn't have gone better. We wanted to mark the occasion and celebrate, but in a low pressure way, so we decided to have our photographer and content creator as our witnesses and get married in total secrecy, and we planned our Hen do for that evening with all our friends. We privately hired out Maya on Canal Street in Manchester (where we live) and told everyone to get there at 7, and we made a grand entrance just after, plus sending the reel Chloe (our content creator) had made into the group chat so everyone knew it was actually our secret legal wedding AND our hen do.

With not telling people it was actually our wedding, it meant a few people couldn't be there - they probably would've rearranged things and made it happen if they knew it was our wedding, but we really didn't mind, and wanted to be very casual, a big surprise, and whoever was there was there, whoever wasn't we still love anyway. We decided not to have any parents there, we just had siblings and cousins, as we wanted to be able to properly party and enjoy it, in a place we can completely be ourselves and not worry if people are having a good time etc - Canal street isn't really the most family friendly place for parents LOL. We did tell our parents what was happening and why they wouldn't be there, and although there was a bit of confusion at first, ultimately they did get it when we explained that the 'real' wedding was in October. I thought it would be way more difficult than it was to get them onboard with this, and the fact that they weren't invited, but I think they understood that really this was the Hen do, with a 5 minute in and out legal process beforehand.

We stayed at The Alan which was so, SO gorgeous. My hairdresser Luke did our hair and our friend Marc did our makeup. We got ready together, it was so relaxed and we had such a good time, and my friend Rodger had made my dress, which I had fittings and alterations for right up until the night before. It was really amazing and felt very us, just for us, and exactly what we wanted. It was such a contrast to the October wedding, and it meant we got to celebrate with more people, as our October wedding was very intimate, we got to have two separate looks, and have part of our wedding celebrations be in the city that we hold so dear.

We didn't go overboard with suppliers etc for this one. We organised it all via group chat, we had favours from friends (my bouquet was kindly gifted to me by Emma Cox Floristry). We just had Belle Art Photography, Chloe from The Relaxed Bride doing our content, and Charlotte from The Plantisserie made our cake. I would organise everything to do with this wedding exactly the same way in a heartbeat, I wouldn't change one single thing. We also had a few disposable cameras, and these are some of my favourite photos - they can be pricey but honestly they're so worth it (as long as you order people to put the flash on), the photos from these by our friends are really incredible and so so treasured.

If you're thinking about the celebrant route and hesitant to have a legal day and an official day, I really couldn't recommend it more. The October wedding was still our 'official' wedding, and that's our anniversary, but it really was amazing to have the excuse to have two celebrations, include more people and have two completely different types of day.

Where the fun begins... October

Okay. With the easy, breezy, fun, perfect, everything went as it should wedding in July, onto the one that caused the chaos. We got engaged in December 2023, we both knew it was coming and I think we'd been discussing weddings and what ours would look like for a while. We spent Christmas in our little newly engaged bubble, chatting about time frames, what we'd both want, locations and guests. From being in the industry for a long time, my preference has always been for small weddings. The atmosphere is so different, they're so intimate and I always got a sense that couples savoured smaller weddings more - they spent more time with the people who were important, they got to enjoy the day a bit more and focus on each other, rather than if 100 people they don't really care about are enjoying the 100k wedding they've thrown.

Rebecca and I both have really big families, but I only really speak to/ am close to a small number of family members that I'd consider to be my 'immediate' family, it was a very simple and easy decision for me on which family members of mine would be there and really didn't even need a second thought - the family I wasn't inviting would either completely understand, or I didn't care to know if they were bothered at all anyway. Rebecca's family however is where it all started to get messy.

We initially looked at destination weddings as the 'excuse' as to why we weren't inviting everyone, but we realised that we didn't actually really want a destination wedding. We didn't want to put pressure on our family and friends, and we didn't want to risk the very important people that we really did want there, not being able to come, just so that people we didn't want there understood why they weren't coming. We're both also awful in the heat and getting married in a wedding dress in 30+ degrees sounds like my personal idea of hell (sorry to you sunkissed destination brides, you all look amazing and really, nothing compares to the atmosphere of an intimate destination wedding either, but it's just not us). So we ruled that out. We even actually considered eloping, just us two, to avoid all drama whatsoever, but again, we realised that we really did want the important people, just not everyone and anyone. We didn't want to have to compromise, especially not for people we don't even like. So we sat down and had a good few conversations about the guest list. We both agreed that a smaller wedding of 50 people is what we really wanted - my family were easy, the friends we wanted there were easy, it was just my wife's family. We agreed on a few rules

No one that both of us hasn't met

No one that isn't actively a part of our lives

No kids

No plus ones

I think that sounds pretty logical and straight forward but apparently that's controversial. It was important to us that our wedding and the guest list represented our life right now, and that everyone there was someone we really cherished and wanted to spend time with. We thought a lot about who would know each other and how people would get on, and what kind of vibe everyone would bring. Even one negative person can change the feel of a wedding, so it was important to us that everyone would be comfortable, especially given that most of our friends are LGBTQ+, and we didn't want anyone judgemental or closed minded at our wedding.

Plus ones, we're lucky didn't really apply to us, all of our friends are either in relationships where both of them are our friends so they'd both naturally be invited, or they're single/coming in groups of friends that know each other anyway. Likewise, kids, none of our friends have any really, it's just wider family on my wife's side that would've applied to - personally I didn't want to compromise our wedding for children we don't really know, weddings really are adult events and it didn't make sense to make accommodations for children we really just don't spend time with.

In my mind that's all fair enough, but try running that past my Irish Catholic mother in law who expected, and wanted, us to get married in Ireland with 200+ guests. Awful, truly truly awful, suddenly planning our wedding was no longer happy and exciting, it was a constant battle, drama and stress. Imagine saying we want to have 50 guests, and being told that's a disgrace. That was the kind of shit we were dealing with daily. She was demanding 50+ guests just from her side, to include all aunties, uncles, kids, cousins, cousins kids, partners etc, whilst offering to pay for none of it might I add. It was just a daily battle and she took issue with absolutely everything - from colour schemes, to the location, to the vegan food, anything and everything wasn't good enough, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause arguments between my wife and I, because it really did, to the point where I wondered if I even wanted to marry into this family.

Through it all, we decided to choose each other, and keep putting each other first. It really wasn't easy, but the demands were beyond unreasonable. We were paying for the wedding ourselves, and I was expected to foot the bill for 80 guests of Rebecca's family, whilst having a tiny number of family there myself, and that's before any friends were invited. It just wasn't happening and we decided that despite the pushback, we'd do what we really wanted to.

If you're experiencing anything like this, which I really hope you aren't - people like this, with these expectations will never be happy. Do not give in, do not compromise your plans for unreasonable demands. Do what you want regardless and block out the noise, because even if you did give in to them, they'd still never be happy. Do not pander to anyone. Of course, consider your guests and what will make them feel comfortable and valued and have a good day together, but you do not have to do things you don't want to do, for your one wedding day that you cannot do again (!!!) just because someones family is demanding you to do so.

Now that's out the way...

Into the planning. Nothing was ever good enough for my mother in law btw, literally nothing, but we continued on and planned the day that represented us.

50 guests, nice and intimate and everyone there was really important to us and an active participant in our life. Going small was an incredible decision and it was amazing to see people that had never met, hanging out and getting on and leaving as friends. Everyone said how much they enjoyed each others company and how lovely everyone was, which was just the most heartwarming thing to have all our favourite people in one place and all get on with each other.

The venue was Blackfriars Priory in Gloucester. We live in Manchester but as people were travelling from Ireland anyway, we were willing to travel for the right venue and make it a little bit of a UK 'destination' wedding. I didn't want anywhere that I'd worked multiple times and become too familiar with, and Blackfriars had that historic, gothic, moody aesthetic we really wanted. It was also the perfect size for the amount of guests we had, and the local accommodation they partnered with had enough rooms for everyone to stay together too. Your venue sets the tone for everything else - so really think about that when you're choosing your venue, from the light, to the overall look and feel of the place, and how close to it you and your guests can stay. The less travelling on the day the better, long journeys add lots of stress and take away from being immersed in the day.

No venue will be entirely perfect, and there will be compromises that you make. For example our wedding was a no lit candles venue, which was initially disappointing because they would've looked amazing, but it's totally understandable. Sarah sourced some rechargeable lamps for the tables which I think personally, looked even better than candles would've. A venue with a solid wet weather plan is also a good idea, I paid an etsy witch for good weather, which I think is what avoided full out storms for our day, but it did rain in the afternoon. It didn't matter at all, because the insides of the venue are just incredible and that's where we planned to have all our photos anyway.

In the slightly unique position that I'm in of being in the wedding industry, finding my florist, stylist, hair and makeup and content creator was all an absolute no brainer. Emma Cox, Sarah from Stories of, Nala and Knot and Chloe from The Relaxed Bride are all my friends and I've worked with them multiple times. It was just a given they'd all be doing my wedding and I was lucky/thankful they were all available! Obviously I'm very lucky to have known these women beforehand, but when it comes to choosing your own key suppliers my best tips are - book as early as you can, but don't rush.

It's better to take your time and shop around and find people you really trust rather than just locking in the first person you find early. Take the time to see if the people you want to work with align with you, book people who feel like you'd be friends with, who respond quickly and make things easy for you - this is important, the less stress factors the better. Check their socials and websites, have they done work like the style you want before? If they haven't, keep looking. People can always work to a vision and deviate from their style slightly, but what they show is what they do and you want to find people who already do what you have in mind, not try and mould people into your vision.

I didn't feel like I needed a planner because I had such a strong vision of what I wanted, and knew so many people already, but having a stylist to cement all that together was a god send, and just to set everything up too. All the aforementioned women were incredible and are truly amazing at what they do, and I'm so glad we had them. A few other mentions for Becca's dress from Made with Love Bridal at Ivy and White in Belfast, Jean Jackson Couture for our perfect alterations, Sash and Veil for my veil which I was just obsessed with and never wanted to take off, Ahh Toots for our cake, The Cotswold Caterer for our food and Amy from Lil and Blue for the vintage car hire. More on the rest of our suppliers later.

I was a bit on the fence about a content creator and I have been vocal in my dislike for the craft as a whole, but I'm so glad I changed my mind and we had Chloe. What she created for us is so precious and beautiful and she was so quiet and discreet we hardly noticed her on the day. If you do want a content creator, my best tips would be 1. book Chloe. 2. don't go for any offers or deals. It sounds great and everyone starts somewhere, but content creators are unique in the industry in that if you have a brand new content creator, it really has the potential to ruin your photography and videography coverage, in a way that for eg, a brand new florist or brand new stylist wouldn't have.

The barrier for entry to being a content creator is having a phone. Think about that. Are you booking someone who just sees a business opportunity with the iPhone they already have, or are you booking someone who has a creative eye, someone who's passionate about weddings and experienced in how they run, someone who is professional and can work alongside your photo/video team seamlessly. Really, really consider those things. and 3. think about the type of personality you want to work with and why you want the videos. We wanted them as quick, easy, video footage of our day that felt like a friend had filmed it from the inside, but in a professional and artistic way.

We didn't want to do lipsynching tik tok trends or transition videos (that's cool if you do!! just not our thing) so think about what your content creator creates and why. We also wanted someone quiet and unobtrusive. We didn't want someone high energy, who would interrupt moments with YESSSSS QUEENSSSS OMG DO THAT AGAIN UNREALLLL. again, just not us - if that is your thing, then that's so cool there are DEFINITELY content creators out there for you. We wanted quiet, sensitive, artistic, to match our photographers so they could all work in tandem, and that they did!

More supplier choices and why

Choosing a photographer is something I've been asked about a lot, and how we did that. Honestly, I think we had a harder task than an average outside of the industry couple, because we've been photographed so many times by so many people. We know just how many talented individuals there are in the wedding industry, and every time I open my social media I'm faced with seeing amazing talent straight away. We basically made a short list together, and then contacted people off that, people that we didn't personally know first and just got a feel of people. We had sooooo many lovely responses, but also some quite shocking ones - think verrrryyyy long response times, uninterested replies and salesy 'magic email' tactics.

Even people that were super super lovely, we still didn't feel that feeling of they're definitely the one, and I think that's because we held off contacting people that we did know initially. We didn't want to enquire with friends, then find someone we loved the work of that we didn't know, then have to say to a friend we weren't going with them - how awkward?? So we contacted people we didn't know first, didn't quite get that feeling, then got in touch with Becy who when she responded, it was obvious she was always right for us. She's photographed us before and Rebecca felt really comfortable with her, and we knew she'd fit in like a guest on the day - and that's exactly what she did.

She was absolutely everything and more, I feel like I've really waxed lyrical about our photos so I won't go on, but they really do speak for themselves. Honestly, that's how we felt about most people we worked with for our day, like they were all friends and they couldn't have done enough for us, and we were overjoyed with the end results - from the people we already knew, like Becy and Chloe, to the people we didn't, like our venue, caterers, string quartet etc, everyone I've spoken about was just amazing.

We did have a couple of hiccups with suppliers though - my dress was one, hence why I haven't named any names about where I got it from. I had a huge issue with the boutique and the designer, and although I won't go into details as I've discussed it at length before, I think what you don't realise when working with people, is how the experience with suppliers really shapes how you feel about the day. I loved my dress, it really was everything I wanted and I couldn't imagine wearing anything else, but the bad experience I had with the boutique/designer left a real sour taste in my mouth, even to the point that now I do wish I'd have changed my dress when I had the opportunity and cancelled the order and gone with something completely different.

It obviously didn't impact the day or cause upset or regrets, but looking at the dress I do remember all the stress it caused me and there is a part of me that wishes I'd just cancelled it and gone elsewhere, even though it was perfect in the end, because to be frank it just pisses me off thinking about the subpar experience of it all. So again, choose people you really trust - sometimes obviously things can't be avoided and you can do as much research as humanely possible, and people will still let you down, but knowing that a sour experience can cloud your whole view of something I think makes people more aware of customer service from the outset and how you should be treated from suppliers.

The people working for you on your wedding day are the people who craft and shape your memories. Don't underestimate this, even the small details. How they communicate with you and how they treat you, shapes how smoothly your planning goes. You do not have to work with anyone who doesn't communicate the way they should, or makes you feel worried about the work they'll deliver. Talent is not a replacement for professionalism, and in my opinion, I'd rather work with people I find to be kind, hard working and professional, than feeling like 'but the quality/style of their work is worth the bad experience'. How they treat you also shapes how you feel about certain aspects of your wedding, don't let anything in hindsight be associated with a negative memory when it doesn't have to be. My dress and my jewellery will always annoy me now in hindsight, even though they aesthetically were everything I wanted.

We chose our dresses quite early on, and booked most of our suppliers early on, but the finer details I'd say came together in the 6 months leading up to the wedding. I feel like that's when you really start to finalise the day and the timelines, and think about what will happen when and how you really want things to look. I will say if you're DIY-ing anything, do it as early as you can. Closer to the date there ends up being so much to do, you don't want to be going into the day overwhelmed with tasks and not completing them to the standard you wanted.

I did some of our stationery, our menus, ceremony cards, orders of the day, drinks tokens etc. I designed them and printed them and didn't like them when they came so had to do them again, so I'm glad I had time for all of that! Rumeet from The Lovely Little Details did our lace sign, lace edged place cards and table numbers which just finished the table and details with such elegant touches that I never could've done myself - so have the foresight to know what's achievable and when to delegate too! I also booked our string quartet, DJ, and opera singer fairly short notice, which I wouldn't recommend to people usually, but it worked out perfectly for us as they were all unbelievable and such special touches to the day.

I really do rate entertainment throughout the day for guests, and as we'd opted for a black tie dress code, I wanted to offer a black tie experience. I really wanted to treat our guests to a day that felt luxurious, and as they'd all travelled a great deal and shown up for us, I wanted it to feel really special. We had some complementary cocktails - our venue don't have bartenders so couldn't do proper cocktails, so we hired a bar in (The Drunken Mare) and I'm SOOOOO glad we did. Being able to have some really nice drinks really made a difference to the day and the feel, and we also had the string quartet playing (Lumos Strings) during the drinks reception, which people loved.

The opera singer was a surprise, really for my mum in memorium of my dad, and she LOVED it. I didn't expect everyone else to be fully engaged as opera isn't for everyone, and I fully understand that, but everyone (aside from one person who talked, laughed, and yawned throughout, I'll give you one guess as to who) loved it, and everyone was seated and engaged. It was such a highlight of the day, and I think things like that, that are personal and significant but also something for everyone to enjoy, really set weddings apart and bring that extra element. Our Dj - James from Feel the Funk was also INCREDIBLE. I was really nervous as I've seen a lot of questionable DJs, but he was perfect and kept everyone dancing with our mix of gay pop, disco and Charli XCX.

On the Day

So after all that - here's how it went. I wasn't really feeling stressed too much in the lead up, I trusted my suppliers, I knew they knew my vision, I'd spoken to everyone and I knew they'd turn up, be professional, do what they needed to do. The only thing I did really stress about was my weight and my dress being the right size. I fell into the trap of wanting to look a certain way for the wedding - I had botox, I had facials, I had skin needling etc. Honestly, I did enjoy all the appointments and felt like I looked great, but my wife did nothing of the sort and she looked incredible. So do it if you want to, but we're proof that you really don't need to, so don't put that pressure on yourself. I also lost quite a lot of weight, which I did really want to do, but I did it over a long period of time.

I always wanted to get fit again and back to the weight I was when Rebecca and I met, and although again, you really do not have to do this, this is something I'm glad I did. I took up running and it's really changed my life in a positive way and has become a hobby that I've kept up and love. Again, Rebecca didn't really put pressure on herself to lose weight and she looked unbelievable, so also proof that if you want to do it, do it, if you don't - don't force yourself. You'll look amazing either way. I also lost too much weight last minute and had to spend the two weeks beforehand then trying to bulk up which was not as fun as it sounds!

In the last weeks/days before the wedding, people will drop out. Even if you have a small wedding, they will. We had a few drop outs, but all for very valid reasons. It was annoying as we'd already paid the catering bill lmaoooo, but we weren't annoyed at anyone individually. We actually ended up inviting a couple of people that we initially didn't have invited - we were very upfront with them about the situation, they came and showed up for us and it's been lovely to reconnect with them and have them back in our lives.

If you value your relationships, and the reasons aren't stupid excuses, don't give people a hard time about not being able to come when they said they would. You have a life outside of the wedding, you have a life before and after, and yes it's annoying when people suddenly can't make it, but if they're real friends, they will be there for you throughout your life in other ways. I'm not saying excuse bad behaviour and of course if someone is dropping out last minute for no good reason, that's different, but in our case, it was all genuine reasons that we would never be annoyed about, and would rather treat those people kindly in those instances than burn a bridge for the sake of one day in our lives.

Throughout planning, people may disappoint you, we lost a bridesgay very early on, and to be really honest, I'm glad we did. Weddings make people crazy and people project a LOT, so hold the people really showing up for you close, and just don't give any energy to the people disappointing you. A wedding is the most important day in your life, but it isn't the most important day for everyone in your life, so don't expect their world to revolve around it.

Don't put too much pressure on your people or have over-inflated expectations, especially if you're the oldest in your friendship group and first to get married - we were! People don't understand all the moving parts to a wedding until they see it on the day, or they do it themselves.

Some things we did being two brides - we got ready separately. I wouldn't have minded getting ready together, but Rebecca wanted to keep things traditional and stay apart. My morning was very peaceful, but I don't think hers was and she was VERY nervous, I think in hindsight, Rebecca would've preferred to have our mornings together, and just separate for when we got dressed to keep that a surprise. We also didn't do a first look, which I think I maybe would've done if we did it again. I looooveeee the idea of our couple portraits all being done before the ceremony and just being present the rest of the day, we weren't away for long for our portraits, but it just would've felt like a very productive maximisation of time.

We did get Becca's dramatic reaction as she saw me at the aisle though, which was incredibly sweet and iconic. We also walked down the aisle separately, to different songs. With Becca's party walking first, then Becca and her dad, then a change of music, and my party, then me last (I walked down by myself, my dad couldn't do it and I didn't want anyone to 'replace' him).

We had a joint bridal party of bridesgays, maids and a best man. Our friends are all both of our friends, so we had Rebecca's brother, my sister and cousin, Rebecca's friend from school, our bridesgay Harvey and my friend from school. They were all fab. We love them dearly but they really were there for us and did so, so much for us. We wanted everyone in leopard print and they all did their own iterations of that, with some in full leopard print dresses, some with hints of leopard, and some leopard print shirts with suits. They couldn't have looked more amazing I was sooooo chuffed with how they all looked together.

We also both did our own speeches, and the other speeches were by Becca's dad, and my mum (my dad sadly is no longer here, which if you want a blog about planning whilst grieving I can also talk about, but it's very much it's own subject!). I LOVED. L O V E D. doing my speech. I think it was about 10-15 mins, I had a lot of people to thank, and I just really loved having the opportunity to tell all the people that I love, how much I appreciate them. Brides, do the speech. I would do it again and again and again honestly, when else do you get everyone you love in one room and get to speak to them all, and tell them how much it means to you that they're in your life and showing up for you? Honestly, do it. We also had disposable cameras again for this wedding, which again, 10/10. Lots of rubbish ones but LOTS of amazing ones. I also bought clack fans for the dancefloor, because I am never seen without a clack fan on a night out and they're just very fab. They were a HUGE hit.

A few little choices we made for people who want the smaller details - my perfume was Babycat by YSL. It's vanilla/tobacco and very me. Rebecca's was 34 Saint Germain by Diptyque, which she fell in love with on our trip to Paris. We didn't do favours, but the lace place cards that Rumeet created, were so universally loved that most guests took them home and have them displayed somewhere, we're going to pop ours into frames too. Our guest book for our October wedding, was a wedding album I'd created from our July wedding photos, and we had people sign that. I am OBSESSED with that album and going through it and reading people's messages. Rebecca walked down the aisle to Ronan Keating, and I walked down to a Lana Del Rey mix that I made. Our friend Kieran made us a mix of Everything Is Romantic for our entrance, and our friend Harvey announced us in. Our first dance was World of Our Own by Westlife, not that we got to dance to much of it though...

On the whole, our wedding was absolutely unbelievable. All of our guests said it was the best wedding they've ever been to, which I know people say but I feel like they really meant it lol. All our suppliers were amazing, everything happened as it should, unfortunately one person did go out of their way to ruin it as much as they could, and as amazing as everything was, one person really can cast a shadow over the day, and we're both really still trying to process that and deal with the fall out. Rebecca's mum was insistent on everything being about her, it started in the weeks before the wedding and still hasn't ended.

I wont go into masses of detail about everything, but she filmed the entire day on a phone mounted on a massive gimbal, including filming our ceremony front row when we'd made multiple announcements asking for no phones. This was particularly upsetting as it 1. felt incredibly disrespectful and unnecessary because we literally had a content creator, and 2. I didn't get to see Rebecca walk down the aisle, so the only time I got to see it is in our video, which is mostly her stupid massive arse and phone screen. She was drunk before the ceremony, charging her phone throughout the day, stole our friends drinks tokens, interrupted our first dance, interrupted Rebecca's dad's speech, had her bare arse out during the meal... honestly, that's not even the half of it but the rest would mean airing out my wife's personal family circumstances and drama so I won't go on, but I'm sure what I have described is enough. She didn't speak to anyone she didn't know - whilst everyone else was mingling and enjoying each others company.

It was awful and Rebecca had to spend quite a lot of time on the day checking on her and her behaviour, which really took away from being able to enjoy the day together. The arguments that have then ensued after the wedding have been horrendous and resulted in going no contact. I really don't have much advice if you have someone like this in your life. It's a lose lose situation, if we didn't invite her at all, we'd have been villainised for not having Rebecca's mum there, so we gave her the benefit of the doubt, knowing deep down she'd ruin it, and had to just let her try her best to ruin it, and have her insist afterwards she did nothing wrong. I only wish that we'd have been firmer with her beforehand, and nipped the complaining and demanding and moaning in the bud. I think because we let her get away with talking so much shit about the wedding and letting her constantly disrespect our choices, it gave her the confidence to think she could behave however she wanted without repercussion. Unfortunately for her I am a photographer so she has been promptly photoshopped out of every single wedding photo. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Keep each other close, remember you're marrying each other, not your MIL, and you need to put each other first.

My only true regrets and things that I'd change are in relation to Rebecca's mum. Knowing what we both know now, we'd definitely have not had her there at all, but also, that behaviour was the final straw for my wife to finally not be under her control anymore.

Onto lighter stuff - a few little things I'd change. I wrote our ceremony, it was lovely and Rodger delivered it perfectly, it was everything we wanted and so, so beyond special to have Rodger do that for us. I would've had a celebrant just look over it, there's little things like, I forgot to write 'everyone now be seated' after we walked down the aisle, and Rodger isn't a celebrant so didn't know to say it, so everyone was standing for our ceremony. Not a big deal, just looked a bit weird and I felt bad for everyone being stood for that long!! Not a huge mistake but I would've definitely changed that! I also just think I'd have spent more money. We didn't really cut back anywhere or keep a proper budget, but once it's over, it really does hit you how much you can't get it back. I think I would've just gone a bit more over the top with everything - more flowers, more styling aspects, I don't even really know where I specifically would've spent more, I didn't feel like anything was missing, but I think I would've just had less restraint really.

I was so happy with how the day went on the whole - we both went first for hair and makeup to avoid giving our girls/mums too early of a morning, and I loved that. Having the first hours of the morning on my own just with Nat and Laura was so peaceful, and it meant by the time our photographers were here, we were already done up. Booking the car from Lil and Blue was also a god send - the venue was about a 5 min walk from the accomodation, but it felt like a special touch to treat our bridesgays to a ride in a vintage car, and they did multiple trips to keep us on time.

I just wish Becca and I spent more time together on the day, but I think we'll definitely renew at some point or have a recreation of our hen do to make up for the things we'd change about our October wedding. It was so special, despite the drama described above, on the day Becca kept checking in on what she was doing which did take her away from the day a bit, but I was just stoically ignoring and enjoying the day with people who deserved my attention. We really did have the best day, when we were together it was magic, it didn't feel real and in the worst moments post wedding, the photos brought everything back and everything into perspective. Yes we had one awful person trying to ruin it, but we had 46 incredible people who made the day what it was. They showed up for us, they brought the love and the energy into the room, they all mingled with each other - Rebecca's granny having a photo with Rodger our drag queen. Rebecca's auntie dancing the night away with one of our friends, my auntie telling Chanel O Conor she was a bitch on drag race, my mum chatting with Rebecca's cousins, Rebecca's dad doing dance solos on the dance floor in between dance battles with my cousin, and everyone making a huge fuss of my mum and her speech. There were so many silly, beautiful, joyous moments in all of that, and the ones that Rebecca and I got to share together too, as much as the drama took over, there's so much good that happened that can never be erased or dimmed. Hold onto the good stuff.

For your planning?

So what can you take from this novella of a blog. Long story short

Book the celebrant, have the two weddings

DIY waaaay in advance, and delegate where needed

Buy the good veil, wear it all day

Spend the money on the real flowers by the florist you love

Get a stylist, it'll save your life

Choose suppliers you trust, who you'd want to invite to your wedding, choose them for the work they ALREADY do and not what you think they should do. Align with people who have a similar personality and who are easy to communicate with, and trust them implicitly. They will build your day.

Your venue sets the tone for everything else, consider this when choosing your venue - choose based on aesthetics, light, and proximity to good accomodation.

Guest experience above everything. Food, music, drink is important. The day is for you two, but your guests bring the energy and the vibe, if they're having the best time, that energy will transfer to you. (Guest experience is also experience for the two of you!)

Get the disposable cameras and shout FLASH ON every time

Cut out narcissists and establish boundaries, don't let people walk all over you or disrespect your plans.

Hold the people really supporting you close. They will become huge parts of your life after the wedding.

Lose the weight, don't lose the weight, do what makes you seriously and genuinely happy in your life. It hand on heart does not matter.

Get the botox, don't get the botox. Same as above

Add things that feel personal to you - for us it was opera, food choices, drink choices, our first dance song. Make it personal, this makes it unique and memorable.

Just enjoy it and savour it as much as you can. I know everyone says it but it goes so quickly, it'll be done before you even feel like you've got into planning. It really is mental. Try and not let stress take over, try and let things just wash over you and remember why you're doing this. As awful as we had it at times for our wedding, the things we had to deal with have laid the foundations for a very strong marriage, and as much as you can't get that one day back, you can always do it again for a vow renewal if you feel like there's anything you missed - which I'm sure will be the case for the two of us.

I feel like I've got a lot off my chest there... I hope you enjoyed my candour and got something helpful from it!

With lots of love and lots and lots of understanding,

Esme x